The glorious world of low budget horror films inspired by or directly paying homage to H.P. Lovecraft is seemingly endless, and at no point have I found more than one or two of them to be worthwhile. The better Lovecraft films tend to be those which riff off of a Lovecraft story and then proceed to do their own thing (think the films of Stuart Gordon, for the best example). So the question is,, is "The Old Ones," a 2023 production by Chad Ferrin, actually going to break this trend and fall into the "few but good" side of the camp?
Hmmmm....let's put it this way, I am typing this as I watch the movie, because my desire to get this event over with is that strong. So strong I want to get this written because I don't know if I can make it to the end of this movie or not, so if I commit to writing this now I will, in turn, be forced to finish this movie....
I'll provide some positive notes for The Old Ones first: it's got some nice rubber Deep One suits and the overall creature FX are well conceived. The production spends a lot of time trying to at least be as faithful to the conventional style and appearance of its creatures as possible, with a lean toward the way they have been portrayed in the RPG art. There is also an effort to periodically riff off of the many famous quotes and phrases of Lovecraft, albeit often out of context or maybe spoken awkwardly by very, very amateur actors. A better script might allow these quotes to play out better, and better actors might make the readings sound authentic.
Also, it has some decent scoring for the soundtrack. No out of place music, and the music sets the mood better than the film itself could. The audio is pretty decent overall.
Oh, there's some gratuitous nudity, too....I feel like maybe the gal should have gotten a full body tan for this scene?
A couple days back as I watched Yellow Brick Road I thought to myself that this was a well intentioned amateur film, but it clearly had some good elements carrying the weight of the film, without which it would have been much more of a slog. Good acting was a key component, there. Although none of the actors on that movie were seasoned, they nonetheless brought something earnest to the table and did a good job of convincing me that they were exactly the characters they were, trapped in the situation they were in....and only occasionally was the illusion broken. The Old Ones....well...it's got some people playing roles in it, but I suspect that none of them are real or even necessarily trained actors...let me go take a look on IMDB....okay, so most of the actors in this movie have decent portfolios, though not necessarily award winning. So maybe the director is the issue here? Chad Ferrin has done quite a few very low budget movies, and a mess of Lovecraft pastiches, too. In fact I notice he did another one of my least favorite films ever: The Deep Ones from 2020; in defense of the movie I am watching right now it is technically better than its predecessor.
As I'm watching a great FX-laden scene is happening in which our old protagonist, who is being hunted by the deep ones, is trapped while going to the bathroom in a restroom stall and guy is transforming into a particularly tentacled deep one to get him. You know, I have to say....the FX are sort of worth it! But the stuff in between are just so...bad....oh so very, very bad.
Oh the younger protagonist came to the old man's rscue by dumping some salt shakers onto the tentacle monster. Oh, another guy just said "shoggoth." I guess that was a shoggoth. I do indeed remember when the Dyer expedition survived their encounter in Antarctica by defeating the shoggoth with a....salt and buttering...
Sigh. This movie really makes me wish a really good director with a real budget would do an adaptation of Shadows over Innsmouth. Ah well.
I am struggling but will make it to the end. The role of Nyarlathotep is played as an annoyed, somewhat exasperatedly irritated fellow by the actor, who is perhaps trying to channel some of that old Jeremy Irons energy? Well, that was certainly a choice!
Tillinghast is mentioned as a plot point. First time I think he was mentioned.
They entered the least interesting cellar in horror movie history.
Wait....why do Nyarlathotep and his ghasts have a comedically large fire hydrant next to their shipping container?
As the one gang of old ones possessing some security guards show up to talk with the comedicallly ironic Nyarly, I suddenly feel like someone made this movie with the cast of a tv series like...hmmm...30 Rock? Northern Exposure?
Oh wait the security guard is Randolph Carter? Possessed by him? What????
Oh no, he's just "Randoph Carter, security guard."
Okay the multiheaded Nyarly effect is kinda cool.
This movie would be better of Bruce Campbell were in it. I bet they couldn't afford him.
Tillinghast and his machine are drawing very unfortunate comparisons to the considerably better movie, From Beyond.
The elder protagonist wants to use the Tillinghast machine to go back in time. Ugh.
Om my god, the adorable creatures visible with the resonator are puppets on strings!
The great soundtrack is doing 100% of the heavy lifting for the Tillinghast scenes. Without this music it would be painfully unwatchable.
So our elder protagonist, who is 155 years old, wants to go back to 1950...to change the future by not getting on a boat? So the boat ride was when he got possessed?
It ended, with a predictable and nonsensical twist, as was inevitable. Bu the important thing is...itis over.
I am free.
If you can find this movie for free, and are wiling to skip through to see the rubber monster suit moments, it might be worth a minute or three of your time. I...I don't know if I can watch anymore of this. This movie is truly bad, and not even in that "so bad its good" kind of way. Solid F!
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